What Is Unconditional Love?

One of the sad realities of being human is having to walk on eggshells just to keep someone in your life.  Unfortunately, there will be people who let you down, who take far more than they give, and who place limits or conditions on your friendship...not to mention being just plain difficult to figure out or get truly close to. What do you do when you feel yourself being drained by someone, and yet, when you question them about not being available, they suddenly point the finger at you, as though you didn't come through for them?  This is a very real problem, I am witness to this on an almost daily basis. Folks throwing up their hands and walking away in sadness and disappointment. They tell me, I can't take it anymore, I feel invisible.
So I ask myself, whatever happened, especially amongst human beings, to loving those we do love, unconditionally?  I'm not saying allow someone to take you for granted and never ask anything in return---that is martyrdom. I feel each of us has a right to expect a certain amount of respect, courtesy,and understanding from someone we call lover, friend or family. That does not, however, guarantee that someone you call a friend is capable of embracing the relationship in the same unbridled way that you do. Some folks just lack that capacity for deep caring and selfless giving. You must learn how to determine the difference between a friend/lover who truly cares about you, and someone who uses you to bounce their junk off of, or who uses you to boost themselves up in the eyes of your other friends.
So, what does unconditional love mean....for love relationships, for friendships, for family?....and why is it so hard for us to practice it without becoming drained?  One word---Boundaries. They are a foreign concept for most of us. Of all of the things you or I have ever learned in life, did anyone ever sit us down and say, "You must set boundaries for yourself, or you'll leak all of your energy out like a sieve". I don't recall my mom or dad ever broaching that subject, but I can look back and see it now....had I set strong boundaries, much of the unpleasant and disappointing events in my life would not have had the opportunity to take place. I'd have said 'no' very early on to something or someone that I was unsure of.  Well, we can't go back, but in my coaching practice I put much emphasis on our ability to shape our future, even if our past is riddled with mistakes. As Louise Hay put it, 'You Can Heal Your Life'.
Unconditional love is this, in a nutshell: Appreciating and loving a person for exactly who they are, not who you hope they will become. Being supportive but not hovering. Being there but not being a doormat.....in other words, finding a healthy balance, NOT getting walked on. If a friend needs you, give them a reasonable and genuine piece of your day. Let them vent, let them be exactly where they are and let it be OK. Do not lie or paint a rosy picture if their situation seems hopeless, but do promise that you will be there as they move themselves into a better place in life. Then, encourage them by focusing on the truly lovely things about them. Mostly, unconditional love means that in your heart, you can see the human-ness, the flaws, and the vast beauty, as well, in your loved one. It means accepting that they are a creation and an extension of the Divine, and so are you. When you interact, be real, and protect your relationship from negative outside influences which may arrive as arrows of jealousy, envy, or any other negative, lower vibration.
True friendship and true love are rare, and we would all do well to treasure this kind of connection far above anything of the mundane physical world. Be the kind of friend or lover you're hoping to attract & don't take anything in life personally, and you will be able to maintain healthy boundaries and love well all at once. Unconditional love, my friends, is mostly about YOU. Respect and value yourself enough to love the human-ness in all people and to know that there is no separation---when you wound another, you are wounding yourself, because ALL are ONE..
If you need help with a friendship or relationship in your life, try a Cosmic Empowerment Coaching session with me! Visit www.autumnsenchantments.com to find out more!
Namaste' & Many Blessings On You

Midsummer Installment of Answers With Autumn

Dear Autumn,
I need something for protection, something for my office, as there is an overwhelming amount of negative energy there and I feel vulnerable from all sides.
*BB*
Hannah

My reply:
Greetings Hannah,
Aren't offices great? Incestuous and stagnant, for sure! First, cleanse cleanse cleanse! Go in early one morning before others arrive, or stay late after everyone leaves. Bring along a nice chunk of Black Tourmaline(world's best protection stone!) and a white tealight candle.  Light the tealight(we don't want you to set off the smoke alarm), and use either a sage spray or a sea salt spray to clear the negativity from your office. Simply spritz it in the air around the room as you visualize a heavy gray cloud moving out of the room, down the hall, and up through the top of the building---returning to its source. When you feel ready, in your mind's eye, build a bubble of protection around your office and yourself. Fill it with pure white light which you draw into this bubble from the candle's flame. When your protective bubble feels good and strong, take the Black Tourmaline out and hold it in your hands, channeling the protective energies of Goddess of Protection, Diana of the Moon. Place the stone on your desk where it can be seen by your co-workers, but don't tell them what it is for. Watch their reactions when they experience the stone for themselves. From this point on, take the higher road. Refuse to get involved in the office banter. Work steadily and consistently, and remember that in an environment of discord and unprofessionalism, you are being called to be the positive force. If you set an example, others may follow suit. But it really doesn't matter anyway, the only job you truly need to be concerned with in that office is your own. Let the boss raise his/her 'children'!
I wish you the best of luck with your situation! Write if you need further information on my recommendations!
Peace,
Autumn

The above question came in via my website: Autumn's Enchantments